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That's right. I'm going to own the patent on one of men's favorite play toys. If anybody wants to study them, examine them or do anything else with them then they'll have to ask MY permission and pay a licensing fee.
No, I'm not God. I didn't invent them nor do I create them. My ideas obvious had no influence in their development as they've happily existed for thousands of years providing nourishment to infants and joy to men and women all over the world.
So how do I figure that I can patent female breasts? Well, if the University of Utah Research can patent a pair of humane genes which they didn't create, then I can patent a pair of boobs. So there.
Oh and ladies? Remember, they'll soon be mine so you have to share. *GRIN*
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
It's All About the Lies Dummy!
Carrie Prejean is a proud Christian and proud of her morals. She was proud to be crown Miss California USA and came in second in the national event. There is one small problem: It seems that she may be a habitual liar.
To try and keep the pageants wholesome, pageant rules require candidates to reveal any nude or semi-nude photographs that may be floating around. Having them taken doesn't disqualify the woman, but the committee will determine if they cross the line. The current Miss New Jersey USA posed for some very revealing shots for Maxim magazine. Pageant officials had no problems with them. She informed them of the shots, the officials reviewed them and said all was fine.
Ms. Prejean, being the good, moral Christian that she is, told officials that she'd never posed for nude or semi-nude photographs and signed a contract stating the same.
When a professionally shot, topless photo of her appeared on thedirty.com, she said that "That is the only one", that she was 17 when it was taken, that she didn't know that it was still around and that it was a smear campaign because of her views that gay marriages should be banned.
Except that there are at least THREE photos, according to one of her pageant sponsors, she was over 18 when the photos were taken as they were after the breast enhancement surgery she got at 18, and that she knew the photos were still around as she'd sent her sponsor one asking if she was in good enough shape for the pageant.
Now her photos are even less risque than the ones of Miss New Jersey that officials approved. Certainly, they are nothing to be ashamed of, even for a moral Christian. Consequently, pageant officials would have given her a pass on them if she'd been an HONEST, moral, Christian.
However, she lied to pageant officials about there not being any nude or semi-nude photos of her. That is a fact that can't be challenged.
She lied again to officials when after the first photo appeared, she promised them that this was the ONE and ONLY photo. That's been proven a lie as well.
It seems that she may have lied about her age, knowledge and purpose of the photos as well.
To add insult to injury, she has repeatedly missed events that as Miss California is required to attend and has participated in an advertising campaign not approved by the pageant committee.
Yes Ms. Prejean claims that all the fuss is because as a good, moral Christian, she spoke out against gay marriage.
No toots... it is all about your LIES!
God must like good, moral, lying Christians though... Or at least Donald Trump does. Mr. Trump, who owns the pageant announced today that (despite her lies and her failure to do her job) he's letting her keep the crown.
To try and keep the pageants wholesome, pageant rules require candidates to reveal any nude or semi-nude photographs that may be floating around. Having them taken doesn't disqualify the woman, but the committee will determine if they cross the line. The current Miss New Jersey USA posed for some very revealing shots for Maxim magazine. Pageant officials had no problems with them. She informed them of the shots, the officials reviewed them and said all was fine.
Ms. Prejean, being the good, moral Christian that she is, told officials that she'd never posed for nude or semi-nude photographs and signed a contract stating the same.
When a professionally shot, topless photo of her appeared on thedirty.com, she said that "That is the only one", that she was 17 when it was taken, that she didn't know that it was still around and that it was a smear campaign because of her views that gay marriages should be banned.
Except that there are at least THREE photos, according to one of her pageant sponsors, she was over 18 when the photos were taken as they were after the breast enhancement surgery she got at 18, and that she knew the photos were still around as she'd sent her sponsor one asking if she was in good enough shape for the pageant.
Now her photos are even less risque than the ones of Miss New Jersey that officials approved. Certainly, they are nothing to be ashamed of, even for a moral Christian. Consequently, pageant officials would have given her a pass on them if she'd been an HONEST, moral, Christian.
However, she lied to pageant officials about there not being any nude or semi-nude photos of her. That is a fact that can't be challenged.
She lied again to officials when after the first photo appeared, she promised them that this was the ONE and ONLY photo. That's been proven a lie as well.
It seems that she may have lied about her age, knowledge and purpose of the photos as well.
To add insult to injury, she has repeatedly missed events that as Miss California is required to attend and has participated in an advertising campaign not approved by the pageant committee.
Yes Ms. Prejean claims that all the fuss is because as a good, moral Christian, she spoke out against gay marriage.
No toots... it is all about your LIES!
God must like good, moral, lying Christians though... Or at least Donald Trump does. Mr. Trump, who owns the pageant announced today that (despite her lies and her failure to do her job) he's letting her keep the crown.
Miss California USA to keep title - CNN.com
Monday, May 11, 2009
It Sucks Getting Old
It sucks getting old. I'm fond of saying that it is better than the alternative, but someone proved to me that it may not be so.
He said that there are three possibilities in death. That whatever is after is better than now, worse than now or no change. That means that statistically, there's only a 33.333% chance that being dead is worse than being alive. Comforting thought.
We're all getting older from the moment we were born. But from time to time, something pops up and smacks us in the head to remind us just how far along we've gone.
When I joined the U. S. Air Force, we had a guy in our flight who was the old man of 26. He was actually married and had a kid! Remember, most of us were 17 and 18 years old. So he was ancient, at least in our eyes.
The first time it finally hit me that I was no longer a young man was when after I hadn't seen a Playboy magazine in a long time, I opened one up, looked at the centerfold then at her data sheet. The first was that she was younger than me. The second was that I could clearly remember what I was doing the year she was born. You guys will probably understand this, but for the ladies... I'd been looking at and eventually even READING Playboy magazine since I was 8 or 9 years old. The women were always "older women". Now they were younger women! When did Playboy start doing that?
The next big slam came when I was working part time at the local community college in the computer lab. There was a very sweet young coworker who seemed to like me. We shared several interests in common, one being instrumental jazz. I mentioned two of my then favorites, Wes Montgomery and Cal Tjader. "Who?" she asked. "They were pretty much big in the late 60s, early 70s", I replied. As she batted her lashes at me and gave me a slight smile, she said, "I wasn't even born yet."
The final grey hair inducing slap came on a hike about fourteen years ago. We'd been given instructions to wear hiking boots/rough-soled shoes. On one of our breaks, a sweet young thing (girlfriend of one of my friends) was giving me hell because she could see that the soles of my combat boots were worn almost smooth.
"Give me a break" I said, "I got these 20 years ago!"
Again, she gave me that look that only a pretty girl can get away with and said, "You have BOOTS older than me?"
Just shoot me now.
However, misery loves company. So... every chance I get I share these grey hair raising moments with my lovely wife. Mostly because it drives her snakeshit as she's just a little older than me. *GRIN* Yes, I'm an ornery old brat. Bad and damn good at it.
So I'm fond of pointing out how many years ago something happened.
This is 2009 and a lot sure happened in 1969, just forty years ago:
The one that got me thinking a out this today is that I recently recorded "Alice's Restaurant" off Turner Classic Movies. What surprised me was that the movie came out 40 years ago.
Here's a few other "current" events that happened forty years ago this year:
The Dow Jones Industrial Average was 800
A new house cost $15,550.00
Average U. S. income was $8,550
Average Monthly rent in the U. S. was $135
A new car averaged $3,270.00
A gallon of gas was 35 cents.
Richard Nixon became President of the United States
Neil Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the moon
The Queen Elizabeth 2 had her maiden voyage
Golda Meir from Milwaukee, Wisconsin became Prime Minister of Israel
Robin Knox-Johnston became the first person to sail solo, non-stop, around the world.
The U. S. started the draft for Viet Nam.
The U. S. started the first troop withdrawals from Viet Nam.
PBS (Public Broadcasting Service) started in the U. S.
After a party, Senator Ted Kennedy drove himself and young Mary Joe Kopechne off a bridge. Senator Kennedy swam to safety but didn't call authorities untll after her body was found the next day.
The Charles Manson Cult murdered Sharon Tate and four others.
Hurricane Camille hit Mississippi, one of the worst hurricanes in history. I lived in Biloxi until just weeks before she hit.
Wal-Mart incorporated
The Chicago Seven went on trial for the riot at the 1968 Democratic Convention.
Charles de Gaulle resigned as the President of France
350,000 to 400,000 rock fans swarmed a farm in New York for the Woodstock music festival.
The U. S. Air Force closed Project Blue Book concluding that there was no evidence of UFO's
The Concorde flew its first test flight
The first transplant of a human eye was done
Seiko sold the first quartz watch
The Harrier Jump Jet entered service with the RAF. (The Harrier is or was also used by the U. S. Marines. It was the first and as far as I know, only jet fighter than can hover. A U. S. Marine also figured out how to make it fly backwards.)
The PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization) was founded
ARPANET was created (the precursor to the Internet)
The Boeing 747 made its public debut.
UNIX was invented
GM introduced the Pontiac Firebird Trans Am
The microprocessor was invented.
The first battery powered smoke detector was released in the U. S.
The first ATM machine was installed
Sesame Street debuted
Bell bottom jeans and tie-dye shirts were the teen fashion rage
The Beatles performed their last public appearance.
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Brett Favre were both born in 1969.
He said that there are three possibilities in death. That whatever is after is better than now, worse than now or no change. That means that statistically, there's only a 33.333% chance that being dead is worse than being alive. Comforting thought.
We're all getting older from the moment we were born. But from time to time, something pops up and smacks us in the head to remind us just how far along we've gone.
When I joined the U. S. Air Force, we had a guy in our flight who was the old man of 26. He was actually married and had a kid! Remember, most of us were 17 and 18 years old. So he was ancient, at least in our eyes.
The first time it finally hit me that I was no longer a young man was when after I hadn't seen a Playboy magazine in a long time, I opened one up, looked at the centerfold then at her data sheet. The first was that she was younger than me. The second was that I could clearly remember what I was doing the year she was born. You guys will probably understand this, but for the ladies... I'd been looking at and eventually even READING Playboy magazine since I was 8 or 9 years old. The women were always "older women". Now they were younger women! When did Playboy start doing that?
The next big slam came when I was working part time at the local community college in the computer lab. There was a very sweet young coworker who seemed to like me. We shared several interests in common, one being instrumental jazz. I mentioned two of my then favorites, Wes Montgomery and Cal Tjader. "Who?" she asked. "They were pretty much big in the late 60s, early 70s", I replied. As she batted her lashes at me and gave me a slight smile, she said, "I wasn't even born yet."
The final grey hair inducing slap came on a hike about fourteen years ago. We'd been given instructions to wear hiking boots/rough-soled shoes. On one of our breaks, a sweet young thing (girlfriend of one of my friends) was giving me hell because she could see that the soles of my combat boots were worn almost smooth.
"Give me a break" I said, "I got these 20 years ago!"
Again, she gave me that look that only a pretty girl can get away with and said, "You have BOOTS older than me?"
Just shoot me now.
However, misery loves company. So... every chance I get I share these grey hair raising moments with my lovely wife. Mostly because it drives her snakeshit as she's just a little older than me. *GRIN* Yes, I'm an ornery old brat. Bad and damn good at it.
So I'm fond of pointing out how many years ago something happened.
This is 2009 and a lot sure happened in 1969, just forty years ago:
The one that got me thinking a out this today is that I recently recorded "Alice's Restaurant" off Turner Classic Movies. What surprised me was that the movie came out 40 years ago.
Here's a few other "current" events that happened forty years ago this year:
The Dow Jones Industrial Average was 800
A new house cost $15,550.00
Average U. S. income was $8,550
Average Monthly rent in the U. S. was $135
A new car averaged $3,270.00
A gallon of gas was 35 cents.
Richard Nixon became President of the United States
Neil Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the moon
The Queen Elizabeth 2 had her maiden voyage
Golda Meir from Milwaukee, Wisconsin became Prime Minister of Israel
Robin Knox-Johnston became the first person to sail solo, non-stop, around the world.
The U. S. started the draft for Viet Nam.
The U. S. started the first troop withdrawals from Viet Nam.
PBS (Public Broadcasting Service) started in the U. S.
After a party, Senator Ted Kennedy drove himself and young Mary Joe Kopechne off a bridge. Senator Kennedy swam to safety but didn't call authorities untll after her body was found the next day.
The Charles Manson Cult murdered Sharon Tate and four others.
Hurricane Camille hit Mississippi, one of the worst hurricanes in history. I lived in Biloxi until just weeks before she hit.
Wal-Mart incorporated
The Chicago Seven went on trial for the riot at the 1968 Democratic Convention.
Charles de Gaulle resigned as the President of France
350,000 to 400,000 rock fans swarmed a farm in New York for the Woodstock music festival.
The U. S. Air Force closed Project Blue Book concluding that there was no evidence of UFO's
The Concorde flew its first test flight
The first transplant of a human eye was done
Seiko sold the first quartz watch
The Harrier Jump Jet entered service with the RAF. (The Harrier is or was also used by the U. S. Marines. It was the first and as far as I know, only jet fighter than can hover. A U. S. Marine also figured out how to make it fly backwards.)
The PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization) was founded
ARPANET was created (the precursor to the Internet)
The Boeing 747 made its public debut.
UNIX was invented
GM introduced the Pontiac Firebird Trans Am
The microprocessor was invented.
The first battery powered smoke detector was released in the U. S.
The first ATM machine was installed
Sesame Street debuted
Bell bottom jeans and tie-dye shirts were the teen fashion rage
The Beatles performed their last public appearance.
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Brett Favre were both born in 1969.
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